Bored Housewife

Monday morning, 10:20 a.m. and I can't figure out what to do. Seriously. So far, I have made lunches, taken kids to car pool, swept and mopped four rooms, cleaned the bathroom, filled out my unemployment forms, applied for a new job, had a coffee with my neighbor and ran a couple of loads of laundry. I'll say one thing about being unemployed - my house is in order! I'm seriously considering starting a monumental painting job today. Anything to keep me occupied. It's going on month two of unemployment, which may be (except for when I was home with a new baby or period of time between moving cities) the longest spell I've ever gone without a job. I've been working since I could up sell french fries at McDonald's at the age of 14. The idea of not having a job to go to is so strange and I'm still struggling to be okay with it. In the past few weeks, I have developed a serious left eye twitch and I blame my employment status. Friends and acquaintances keep telling me to enjoy myself. My husband tells me he likes having me around. The dog seems happier with a larger pack around in the daytime. I really wish I could relax but it's hard. I know, mini violins are playing for me. The thing is, it’s not about the title or the job per say that gives me satisfaction. It's the idea of contributing to the household, of paying my way and my share that fuels my desire to work. Having the freedom and/or luxury to buy a really nice lunch or a pair of shoes on eBay are just two of the simple things in life that excite me. I don't have any burning desire to six figures, although I wouldn't turn down such a salary either! I just want to get paid a fair salary for a job well done. Crazy, idea, huh?

Long time, no see

Yeah. Another year or so has passed since I last posted here. Where does the time go? I'm kidding. I know where it went. Work, family, grad school, dancing, friends...how did I manage to do this again? I think blogging is like working out. Once you get off the treadmill, it's hard to get back on. Now that I'm temporarily unemployed and just working on my Masters, I plan to devote more time to personal expression. I want to paint (don't worry; walls, not canvas), write, organize cupboards and baskets, plant flowers, read great masterpieces and nest. Taking the time to create is so important for many reasons, beyond the obvious. It's time for me to refuel and cliche as it sounds, fill the void I feel inside. This summer has been beyond eventful. Our family traveled to PEI and reconnected with friends and family there. We spent some time (and cash. Ouch.) on our summer cottage and fell in love with it all over again. It wasn't quite enough time there to quench my thirst for the simplicity and sweetness of the island, but it was a taste. That taste is a huge motivator to go back again next year and experience more. Returning home should have made room for review, reflection and rejuvenation. But, me being me, I invited the world to come visit and visit they did. Don't get me wrong; I LOVE having friends come stay with us. But, nearly four weeks in a row was too much. It put a strain on my relationships and I didn't realize it until it was almost over. Next time I will learn to stagger them so as to give our family some breathing room. Adding to that strain is the stress of unemployment. Letting go of the guilt/shame of not working has been an enormous struggle. My devoted and darling husband has given me permission to "take a break" and do some nesting. It's my own stuff that keeps getting in the way. Some of it is pride. Much of it is simple awkwardness/discomfort of being dependent on someone else. Letting go is a work in progress. The bright side of having more time to write is the unburdening that results in expressing myself. A blog, much like a journal, is a place for honesty. Saying painful/hurtful/joyous things out loud is liberating and terrifying. And, absolutely necessary in my case. Here's to more time spent working on my Full Circle.