It's Never Enough

Ever notice there are some things you can never have enough of? Okay all you pervs...get your minds out of the gutter! I'm talking actual things/items/products/consumables. I swear, there are certain things I desperately try to stay on top of and no matter what I do, I run out of them. Anyone know what I mean?

Here are just a few things I never seem to have enough of:

1. Band aids. I don't know what my kids do with them. Do they peel them off to show off their wounds or is it for the sheer joy/pain of whipping them off? I can buy, say, three boxes and it seems that before long, there's never one left for me if I cut my finger on a knife or get a blister from a pair of shoes. I think if I ever get any extra cash, I'm totally investing in which ever company makes band aids.

2. Bar soap. I know it sounds weird, but our family totally goes through bar soap in massive quantities. Are we really that dirty? I don't even have any bar soap for hand washing!!! It's strictly for the shower. Back when I was single, I thought it ridiculous that bar soap was sold in packs of three or six. "Who the hell uses that much soap?" I used to wonder. Now I know.

3. Sales. I will probably never buy a vacuum from a vacuum store and I doubt I will ever buy an entire room of furniture from one of those giant Rooms to Go places but I read their sale flyers every frickin week, like my life depends on it. I just love reading about sales. It excites me, even if I know I'll never purchase anything from that particular store. Is it mass consumerism at its worse or is it just me?

4. Clean Undies. My kids informed me yesterday that there was absolutely no clean underwear in their undie drawers. I swear I just did their laundry!! How does that happen? Do they put a pair on and then throw them in the laundry a minute later just for fun? Do they change out of their undies every day when they change out of school uniforms and then change again at night when it's time for bed? I know they both have more than 7 pair each and I do the damn laundry every week. Must be one of those laundry mysteries, along with the Bermuda Triangle of lost socks.

5. Pencils. This one really gets me cause I think Keller might actually be eating them. Someone is. In the past six weeks or so that school has been in session, we have bought three, I repeat three, bags of pencils for the kids. Yes, they have a lot of homework; but I don't remember seeing that many pencil shavings around the house! And, here's the kicker; my son's teacher at school says he doesn't ever seem to have pencils in his desk. Maybe if I put more snacks in his lunch box?

6. Smiles. I love to disarm grumps and mudges with a smile. Lots of times I don't really feel like smiling at the person but I do it anyway just for the reaction. Example - there's a woman in the car pool line at school who has NEVER cracked a smile once. Not to any one, any car or any staff member. Believe me, I watch! This morning I gave her a huge smile and she was forced to sort of smirk back. Ha!

7. Donuts at staff meetings. It doesn't matter if you're on a diet, or already had breakfast or don't really like donuts; you'll still eat one at a staff meeting. And, it makes the meeting all that much better if there's a sweet wad of dough involved, doesn't it? There will always be that one holdout who will pass on a donut at the beginning of the meeting. But, if it runs past an hour and they are waning, you know they are going to reach out and grab whatever is left on the plate and shove it in their mouth cause it will stifle the yawn or scream of boredom. I know; I'm that person.

8. Bottles of wine. Don't like wine? Doesn't matter; it's still vital to have wine at home. Unexpected guests or girlfriends in crisis require a bottle of wine, so always have one at the ready. I like the look of un opened bottles of wine. They make me feel like a civilized human being and I know that if I'm totally over it or particularly stressed out by the end of the night, I can always open a bottle of wine and the world will be good again.

9. Paper towels. I'm guilty of polluting the world just a little by using lots of paper towels. I'm not down with wiping the counters with the same stinky cloth that just finished cleaning a load of dishes. Even if I rinse it in bleach somehow I still feel like I'm wiping left over egg all over the counter. So, I use paper towels to wipe stuff down. But, I'm learning with this one. I now buy them in bulk.

10. Blogs. I love reading them. I really like the ones with lots of pretty pictures too. I know you do too or you wouldn't have made it to #10. So, thanks.

Why Do Women Join Book Clubs?

If you have to ask, you'll never know. That was one of Louis Armstrong's favorite sayings and it is totally applicable here. Joining a book club is a favorite past time of moms. Despite the fact that’s it’s just another bitch/gab/gossip session under the guise of intelligent chatter, moms truly believe they are bettering themselves if they join a book club. Do romance novels count as serious reading? If Lois, Kathy, Ruth, Jennifer and Mary say so, then by golly, they do!

Top reasons moms join book clubs:

Expanding their minds – seriously. Who doesn’t feel enriched discussing whether Julia Roberts looks her age or guessing whether she went under the knife? Oh yeah, also, discussing whether she really pulled off the depth of emotion Liz experiences in Thailand is important too. Aren’t following? Then you have just broken the first cardinal rule of book clubs – every book club member everywhere must read EPL. (that’s “Eat, Pray, Love” for all you losers!)


Friendship – no book club member would ever feel anything but love toward another member, even if she does try to outdo your last gathering by having red velvet cupcakes made by that cute new bakery downtown. How thoughtful! The main character in this month’s book loved red velvet… the bitch!


Wine – why bother showing up to a meeting if there isn’t wine involved? It allows everyone to loosen up and share what they really feel about this month’s choice (or the fact that they didn’t bother to read it. Snort!)


Networking – need to branch out from the playground set? Joining a book club allows you to meet a whole new group of mommies! Unless of course you’ve been coerced into joining the playground mommy book club. In that case, you won’t meet anyone new; ever.


No kids – nuff said.

It's been three weeks since we arrived in New Orleans and I've already joined a book club. Yes, they already read EPL and the club went on a field trip to see the flick. (I got hungry). I've read one book so far and am looking forward to the next two books. Our particular book club meets at restaurants and cafes which is another bonus reason to join. I get to eat great food and drink lots of wine!

What I'm enjoying most however, is the friendship. I've met a great group of women who are eager to help me network and find a job, want to listen to my opinion on things and are willing to share some personal stuff. Usually that kind of bonding takes years of casual interactions before getting to the level we are at and I'm grateful to have to skip all that time! It helps that I have a very good buddy (Ms Maria) looking out for me who is VERY outgoing and not afraid to talk to anyone. She's sheparding me into the flock. I'm not quite a black sheep but I also do not live in the rest of the club's neighborhood which is almost a mark against me. Should we be able to afford a home in the Point I'll really be a full fledged member.

If you've never been part of a book club, join one. But, make sure it isn't too serious (no books on the history of salt; that takes all the fun out of it) and make sure it involves wine. AND, make sure you get a sitter that night. It's the very best part of the experience.